leave in silence

"why should he run the meeting in english?! we all speak korean here! he should speak korean, too!!"

i am a big believer that youth ministry is actually family ministry. there is no way a couple of hours a week at church can shape the heart of a young person. if we're going to reach students for Christ, then we must reach their families.

and herein lies the dilemma. most of the time, i find myself completely unable to navigate first-generation korean culture. it's not just that i cannot speak the language (although there has been perhaps a 15% improvement in comprehension over the last couple of years); the cultural gap seems to be growing larger the longer i serve in this context.

last sunday, we had a pta meeting here at church. knowing that very few people look forward to these poorly-attended meetings, the education pastors did our best to keep it short (only about 15 minutes total, between three different ministries -- not bad!). we closed in prayer together with the parents and i gathered my things to leave.

it was then, about five or six feet behind me, that i heard one particular dad start ranting, loudly, to a small group of people around him about how unhappy he was. apparently, since i had made all of three announcements in english, he was about to blow a gasket. in the couple of months since we've been at this church, i have heard numerous comments from this particular man about how he wants things to be run and the mistakes others have made.

i really wanted to turn around and tell him to calm down. that if i could, of course i would have run my part of the meeting in korean. that there were plenty of other people here who also struggled with english, but seemed to be handling it fine. that, even if i could not communicate well with him, i am reaching his kids. but, of course, since we don't speak each other's language (in more ways than one) i chose not to say anything. plus, i was pretty steamed, which is not always the best way to engage a conversation with a church member.

i want to be pastoral with him. his life has been really hard -- not only as an immigrant to this country, but with a family life that would make anyone bitter and frustrated. most of the time, this man is very nice, even charming, with church people. but i think he must feel the need to flex on someone. all of his disenfranchisement and disappointment with life come bubbling to the surface, and he lashes out at the youth and education ministries (on whom he must feel like he has the upper hand).

i don't mean to bad-mouth our church. most of the people here have been very kind, and i certainly don't expect anyone to cater to my needs. as a pastor, i'm here to serve, after all. however, i am getting worn out by this kind of attitude. it's not like this church is unique in this. while it might only be a small percentage of people, this type of attitude has been present in almost every ministry in which i've served.

grow a thicker skin.
pray more.
forgive.
learn korean.
i know there's a laundry list of things i can/should do in response to all of this. but it's still frustrating.

unbelievable

actually, i guess i shouldn't be too surprised at this, but i am still frustrated, angry and disappointed. i found this entry at soong-chan rah's blog yesterday and it ruined the better part of my day.

An excerpt from Zondervan's Skits That Teach by Eddie James and Tommy Woodward published in 2006. A skit book meant to be used by youth groups all over the US features the following:

"Herro, Dis is Wok's Up Restaurant calling to confirm your order. . . . I think that, yes, you total is 14 dollar 95 cent."

"Herro? This is Wok's Up Restaurant again. We have drive and drive, and we can't find you house. We don't find you house soon, you pu pu get cold. Pu pu good when it hot."

(Hostile) "Okay, we drive for long time looking for you house. I tell you, you go outside and I look for you. I am driving a red Rincon (Lincoln) Continental. You pu pu still getting cold. Bye!

"Okay, I drive for long time and I stil not find you house. So I am eating you pu pu! Ruckiry it still warm. I was hungry, so I eat it. Mmmmm . . . this pu pu is good. (Smacks lips a few times) You on my bad rist. You don't call us anymore. Bye!

seriously, give me a break. these "skit guys" are self-proclaimed skit experts and this is the best they could come up with? their "home run" idea to lead off their new book of skits is a played out racist send-up? not only is this kind of "humor" not actually funny - it's degrading, offensive and lazy. it pains me to think of all the kids who've already had a good laugh at our expense.

i'm not much of an activist, but i went into the local family christian bookstore first thing this morning to take a look for myself. sure enough, there was the skit -- the first one in the book. i took it to the front and brought it to the manager's attention. she was also surprised, and immediately took it off the shelf. she said they would pass along the message to corporate. hopefully, they can follow through on this and, just maybe, take this book off all their shelves. a woman who waiting in line behind me overheard what i had brought up, and as i was leaving she actually said, "thank you for saying something about this." it turns out she is a youth drama ministry leader and has encountered these types of things before. and no, she wasn't asian.

i am also planning on writing to these skit guys, zondervan and youth specialties to let them know that this kind of thing is not acceptable. i'm sure their responses will be along the lines of the rickshaw rally "we didn't mean any harm by it" and "you just need to get over it" type of thinking, but i think it's still important to let them know how ugly and wrong this is. i know they run a business and it's expensive to remove/re-edit the book, but they are also representatives of Christ -- and sometimes doing the right thing costs.


i would love to be able to focus all my time & energy on ministry to people. and i know, of course, that in Christ we are called to be one body -- that He destroys all of the ridiculous barriers we set up to divide ourselves. in the end, this skit guys thing isn't that big of a deal -- but there's no reason for those who create, market and push these products to stop unless someone points out why it's wrong.